One Thousand Stars and You Read online

  Steph tapped her arm and offered a sympathetic smile.

  ‘You were off in Wonderland again,’ she said. ‘Do you want to just call it a night?’

  Alice looked at the two full drinks on the table in front of her friends, and shook her head.

  ‘I might go on up, but you two should stay – get some dinner. I’m just not in a very fun mood, sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be sorry,’ exclaimed Maur. ‘We totally get it.’

  ‘But we don’t want you to be alone,’ added Steph. ‘If you’re going to bed, we’re going to bed, too.’

  Alice tried her best to smile with the gratitude that she was feeling. She appreciated what they were trying to do, but she wished they would understand that she didn’t want her dark mood to impact on their holiday. It was hardly fair.

  Pushing her full beer across in Maureen’s direction, Alice stood up.

  ‘Don’t,’ she said, as Steph made to follow suit. ‘Please stay. I’ll be fine – just need to lie down and make sense of it all, you know. I promise you that I’ll be absolutely fine.’

  They let her go, albeit reluctantly, and Alice reckoned that she had about ten minutes before Steph would finish her cocktail and come to check on her. There was so much she could have talked about with her friends – not just concerning Freddie, but also Richard, and perhaps even Max, too. Alice knew she was confused about how to feel and what to think, but she also knew that she must get it all straight in her own mind first, before sharing it with anyone else. She had always been that way – prone to secrecy and quiet contemplation – but tonight, for the first time in a long while, Alice wished she was not.

  Her mind strayed back to Richard as she made her way towards Palm House. She had never found out if he had got as far as actually telling her parents that they were setting a date for their wedding, but she had to assume that he would not have done something quite so crass – especially when she had made it so clear before flying out to Sri Lanka that she wanted them to share their news together. Richard was prone to putting the occasional size nine in his mouth before thinking it through, but he was also a sensitive soul.

  Alice cast her mind back to that morning, before the news about Freddie had crashed into her world and made everything rain down like collapsed scaffolding, and recalled the kiss she had shared with Max. He had caught her completely by surprise, but then, she had surprised herself by leaping up into his arms like that. The kiss may have only lasted for a second or two, but in that brief moment when she kissed him back, she had felt it everywhere.

  The truth was, Alice realised – sadness at the thought of losing that closeness between herself and Max making her breath catch – she could still feel it now.

  41

  A storm arrived during the night, so wild and angry and relentless that Alice wondered if her shattered emotions had somehow affected the weather. Thunder loud enough to shake the wooden bedframes reverberated through the treehouse, rain lashed in through the open partitions under the roof and lightning scored across the night sky as if flung there by an enraged sea god. Alice left her single bed, lifted the edge of the large mosquito net, and got in the double with Steph and Maureen, each of them still awake and wide-eyed with a mixture of terror and awe.

  She hoped all the crashing thunder wouldn’t cause Max to suffer another episode like he had in the jeep. Jamal was with him, though, and that had to be enough to comfort her. As much as Alice wanted to rush down the wooden steps, hurry across the wet sand and clamber up into his treehouse, she knew she could not. She could sense that a line had been drawn between the two of them now, and she had been the one to put it there. Maureen had been right to raise the subject of the ring. Alice should have told Max about it – of course she should. The reason she hadn’t was purely a selfish one: she didn’t want him to know. She had been enjoying the closeness building between them and was worried that it would be lost. Now, not only had he found out the truth, but he also knew she had kept it from him. No wonder he had taken the first opportunity to make his escape after the call came through about Freddie. He must think she was a terrible person, and right now, Alice would agree with him.

  Talking to Richard again last night had only increased her sense of self-loathing, because she’d had no choice but to lie to him. She could not very well admit to jumping out of a plane – he would go berserk – and she’d had to swear Steph and Maureen to secrecy, too. How had she got herself tangled into so many knots? She knew how – by letting the old Alice surface from the depths where she had long since been banished. Sri Lanka had been a catalyst for this change in her, but she knew that meeting Max had also been a big part of it.

  She waited in the treehouse while Steph and Maureen went down to have breakfast, telling them she wasn’t hungry when in truth her stomach was grumbling in earnest. She had not eaten dinner the previous evening, because she hadn’t been able to face the normality of sitting down to a meal. Alice still felt that way now, and she also wanted to avoid Max. Either he would have retreated from her and would be politely distant, or he would be so kind to her that she would fall apart again. Alice could not face either scenario – not yet. She simply did not have the strength. When the girls returned, bringing with them some bread rolls and jam for Alice, Steph informed her rather sheepishly that she was heading out for the day with Jamal – adding that she would of course stay behind if Alice would rather she did.

  ‘Go!’ Alice said, waving a hand at her friend. ‘I’m fine!’

  ‘Max is off to some turtle sanctuary or something,’ Maureen added. ‘So I thought we could have a beach day, if you’re up for it?’

  Alice smiled with genuine relief. She was pleasantly surprised that Maur had chosen to spend the day with her rather than insisting that Max let them tag along with him. Alice had kept her true feelings about Max hidden from both her best friends, but perhaps Maureen had worked out enough to know that Alice needed some space from him.

  ‘That would be great,’ she told Maureen. ‘Thank you.’

  They each packed a bag and smeared sun lotion over their exposed skin, waving goodbye to Steph before wandering out to the main road and flagging down a tuk-tuk.

  ‘Can you take us to a nice beach?’ Maureen asked the driver, who nodded with enthusiasm, and off they went, wobbling along the dusty road beside the beach before taking a sharp right and heading through Tangalle’s typically chaotic town centre. It was clear straight away that this area of Sri Lanka was more geared up for tourists than the villages they had visited further north had been. There were inflatable beach toys, lilos and buckets and spades in neat stacks outside the shops, and many of the guest houses and bars they whizzed past had English names. There were surf shops, too, and Western tourists wearing board shorts or Billabong bikinis, their hair long and matted and their tans as dark as syrup.

  Despite the ferocious rain that had been pelting the ground only hours ago, the tarmac of the road was dry and cracked, and the sunlight felt abrasive, like scratching fingers against Alice’s skin. The tuk-tuk continued through town until they reached the head of a long, sloping pathway, which was shaded by overhanging palm trees.

  ‘Down there, Goyambokka Beach,’ the driver informed them cheerily, holding out his hand for his rupees.

  ‘Time to get our tan on!’ declared Maur, skipping off ahead of Alice down the path. She was being unusually cheerful, even if you took into account the allure of sun loungers and fresh coconuts. Alice thought it was almost as if her friend was putting on an act – albeit a very convincing one. Just as she had when she’d received that birthday text from Richard, Alice felt a creep of unease, and, as it turned out, she did not have to wait long to have her suspicions confirmed.

  ‘Earth to Alice.’

  Maureen brushed a finger across Alice’s bare arm, causing her to shiver.

  ‘Sorry, I was miles away.’

  Maureen put her head on one side and pushed her sunglasses up off her nose. They were lying side by side on two
raised beds, Alice under the shade of a large umbrella and Maur fully exposed in the glare of the sun. She had untied the halter straps of her red bikini and tucked them away to avoid getting white marks, and although they had only been on the beach for twenty minutes or so, Alice could see that her friend was already beginning to colour.

  ‘Standard,’ Maureen said. ‘Where were you this time?’

  Alice tried to smile, but it turned into a frown.

  ‘Oh, you know, nowhere in particular.’

  She turned away briefly and stared out across the Indian Ocean, listening to the gentle crackling sound of palm fronds coming from behind them. The whole of Goyambokka Beach was lined by trees, and the sand beneath their loungers was soft and white, like caster sugar. Alice could hear strains of reggae music filtering down from the lone bar, and in the distance, a little boy shrieked with delight as a wave rushed across the shore and filled the hole he’d dug with frothy sea water.

  ‘I have a confession to make,’ Maureen said, and Alice felt the knots pulling tighter in her stomach.

  ‘Go on,’ she said.

  ‘I brought you here under false pretences,’ Maur continued. ‘I wanted some time to talk to you alone about something.’

  ‘I see.’ Alice wriggled up to a sitting position and reached for her bottle of water. She had never seen Maureen look like this before, almost as if she was afraid, and it immediately put Alice on edge. Was her friend about to confess her adoration for Max? Or had she somehow found out about their shared kiss after the skydive and wanted to tell her off?

  ‘Whatever it is, you can tell me,’ Alice went on, swallowing the nervous lump in her throat. ‘After last night, I doubt anything would shock me.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have landed you in it with Max,’ Maureen began, before talking across Alice’s automatic protestations. ‘No, it was wrong of me. It was your news to share with whoever you chose to – I had no right to tell him.’

  ‘Why did you?’ Alice asked, her curiosity outweighing her desire to reassure.

  ‘Because I wanted him to know that you weren’t perfect,’ Maur blurted out. ‘And because I was pissed off with you. I know you don’t think that I’m good enough for him – or for anyone, really. I guess I just lashed out because I was angry with you for judging me. But then you got that call about Freddie and I felt like the biggest bloody bitch in the world. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘I don’t think you’re not good enough for anyone!’ Alice exclaimed, feeling totally bewildered. There was a pain in her temple that had been throbbing away since the previous night, and she rubbed at it now, trying to make sense of what Maureen was saying.

  ‘You do!’ Maureen was exasperated now. ‘You don’t think I’m good enough for Freddie, and you don’t think I’m good enough for Max, either.’

  The knot twisted apart inside Alice with a rush of relief, only to be replaced a moment later by guilt. She could not believe that one of her best friends could think that she would judge her in this way. It was awful, but equally ludicrous at the same time – and thankfully there was an easy way to solve it.

  ‘Oh, Maur,’ she said, starting to laugh. It felt good. ‘Is this why you’ve been so weird with me over the past few days?’

  Maureen inclined her head, looking at Alice with a puzzled expression. ‘Maybe.’

  ‘You are silly,’ Alice went on. ‘The only reason I’m squeamish about you and Freds getting together is because, well, let’s just say you do have a tendency to overshare.’

  ‘Oh.’ The truth dawned on Maureen and the edges of her mouth twitched into a grin.

  ‘You mean when it comes to sex and stuff?’

  ‘Yes!’ Alice laughed.

  Maureen looked mollified. ‘What do you take me for?’ she asked. ‘Do you really think I would tell you how big your brother’s—’

  ‘STOP!’ Alice held up her hands. ‘Don’t even say it! And as for not being good enough – to be honest, he would be punching above his weight if he managed to pull you. I honestly had no idea you liked him all that much – I thought it was just you trying to wind me up.’

  Maureen was laughing now, in relief as well as amusement.

  ‘Does that mean I have your blessing?’ she checked, suddenly looking much younger than her just-turned-thirty years.

  ‘Of course!’ Alice crowed. ‘He will be over the rings of Saturn, let alone the moon, when he finds out you like him.’

  ‘What about Max?’ Maureen said gently, catching Alice unawares. ‘What’s the deal with him?’

  Alice took a deep breath and stared again at the quivering blue line where sea met sky. Sunlight danced on the surface of the water, and a light breeze chased a rogue napkin across the sand.

  ‘I haven’t been trying to keep you and Max apart,’ she said honestly. ‘Me and him, we just understand each other. I guess I got carried away with that connection, and I let it go too far. I let myself do something that I promised I never would again.’

  ‘Shit!’ Maureen’s eyes were on stalks. ‘Did you and him …?’

  ‘Oh God, no!’ Alice shook her head firmly. ‘Nothing like that. I mean the skydive. I promised my mum that after my accident, you know.’ She touched the scar on the side of her face and Maureen nodded. ‘I told her that I would never put myself in danger again.’

  Maureen was quiet for a while, concentration making her squint even more than the sun was.

  ‘Did you enjoy it, though?’ she said finally.

  ‘What?’ Alice asked.

  ‘The skydive. Was it fun?’

  Alice drew her mouth into a line of reluctant concession.

  ‘I guess so.’

  ‘Well, then – stop beating yourself up about it. What’s done is done.’

  Alice nodded to show she agreed, even though her heart was not fully on board. She could not help but imagine how her family and Richard would feel.

  ‘And as for Max,’ Maureen added, sitting up to apply more sun cream to her reddening legs, ‘he is no Freddie Brockley, but he is pretty special – you both are. You shouldn’t feel bad for having a connection with someone, because that kind of thing is unavoidable. Sometimes you meet people that you just click with, and there is no rational explanation for it – it just is. Life would be pretty bloody boring if we didn’t come across these kindred spirits from time to time.’

  Alice put her head on one side as she considered Maureen’s words. She was right, of course – the connection Alice had with Max did feel like something tangible – a solid fact that could not and should not be overlooked or undervalued. What she hadn’t told Maur, however, was quite how strong she had allowed this inherent feeling of rightness to become.

  ‘You and Max haven’t done anything wrong,’ Maureen continued. She had finished her legs and was now spreading sun lotion across her stomach. ‘You haven’t acted on the attraction you feel, so there’s nothing to feel guilty about.’

  ‘Do you really think that?’ Alice persisted, and Maureen stopped rubbing for a moment and turned to face her.

  ‘I do,’ she confirmed. ‘And I also think that whatever Richard doesn’t know can’t hurt him. If you’re happy with him and you and Max are just good friends, there is nothing to worry about.’

  She was right, conceded Alice, smiling at her friend. She could still get out of this whole mess without Richard getting hurt at all. It was, however, far too late for her.

  42

  Max

  If I should live,

  I will seek and explore,

  I shall never let up,

  I will strive for much more …

  Max had lied when he told the others he wanted to visit a turtle sanctuary. There was one not far from the Cinnabar Resort, but he had no intention of venturing even that distance. Instead, he had hobbled as far as the next beach bar along and sat in the shade with a glass of lemonade, swallowing down a couple more painkillers and doing his best not to panic about the increased swelling and localised pain in his stump.

>   He saw Alice and Maureen trundle past in a tuk-tuk on the main road, and Jamal and Steph followed shortly afterwards on foot. Max pulled his cap down to cover his face, but they were so lost in each other that they did not see him. Struggling to his feet again once the coast was clear, Max limped unsteadily back along the sand and hopped up the wooden steps of his treehouse, using the rails to balance. The storm had woken him from a fretful dream, in which he was trapped in a hospital bed, unable to move and speak, while his family all stood around him, discussing whether to switch off his life support. Max had opened his mouth again and again to shout at them that he was there, that he could see them and hear them, but nothing had come out but a gasping wheeze.

  It was hot inside the treehouse, but Max could not settle in the hammock just outside it either, plagued as he was by memories of Afghanistan. He checked his watch. Another hour until he could take anything more for the pain.

  Stretched out on the bed with the overhead fan switched up to its fastest setting, he tried to count his breaths as he had been taught during meditation classes – something his mum had signed him up for and which had actually helped for a while. There was one particular sequence that was supposed to ensure you dropped instantly off to sleep, but Max could not seem to dredge it up from the dark folds of his mind. Eventually, he gave up and let his thoughts wander instead, allowing himself a small smile as they inevitably floated towards Alice. He pictured her face when they had pulled up at the skydive centre, the genuine tears of overwhelmed awe that she had shed as the sun rose at the top of Adam’s Peak, and the kindly concern that had radiated out of her as he sat, shaken, on the floor of that jeep. She had been covered in blood but thinking only of him then; she had reached for his hand on that summit; and she had thrown herself into his embrace on that airfield.