My Map of You Read online

‘He is.’ Holly nodded.

  Things between the two of them had been good since she’d returned from Zakynthos, but she still carried around a residue of guilt about what she’d got up to behind his back. She told herself that she’d been a different person then, and that her dalliance with Aidan had happened during a moment of madness when her world felt as if it was caving in around her. Nothing good could come from him finding out – and anyway, she reminded herself, Aidan was as much ancient history as the French rugby players swinging off the end of Ivy’s pendants.

  She’d made a promise to herself that final morning on the island that she was going to make a go of things with Rupert. She knew what her future would be like with him – it would be safe and predictable and she would never end up like her mother had: alone, depressed and riddled with regrets. Once she’d shoved any lingering thoughts about Zakynthos to the back of her mind, Holly had thrown herself into the Rupert project with an enthusiasm that even he seemed to find surprising. Within the first few days of returning to London, she’d given notice on her flat, and two weeks later she arrived on his doorstep with her modest possessions all packed into boxes and bags. Her only extravagance had been a brand-new sewing machine, although she still found herself missing the creaky old one she’d been forced to leave behind on the island.

  Living together was a new experience for both of them, but Holly was eager enough to make it work to overlook things like wet towels on the bed, stinking trainers kicking out a hum in the hallway, or the toilet seat being left up every single morning. Rupert retreated into himself a bit during the first few weeks, even becoming slightly shy around her, but he’d relaxed as that initial time passed without mishap. Holly was so preoccupied with the stall and creating stock to sell that she didn’t have much time to dwell on the state of their relationship, and Rupert too was out of the flat more than he was in it. The situation suited them both perfectly.

  ‘Here,’ Rupert pushed a moist slice of banana cake into her hand and put a takeaway coffee down beside her. ‘I know you don’t get time to eat when it’s this busy.’ He’d bought cake and coffee for Ivy too, and she beamed at him with undisguised adoration. In the beginning, Holly had been concerned that her new co-worker’s dreadlocked hair, swirly ethnic clothing and numerous tattoos wouldn’t go down that well with her more conventional boyfriend, but the two of them had hit it off right from the start. She watched now in amusement as Ivy broke off pieces of her own cake and fed them into Rupert’s open mouth.

  ‘What are you up to this afternoon?’ Holly asked, wiping crumbs from around her lips with a paper napkin.

  ‘Oh, you know, hanging around at home, missing you,’ he winked. ‘Are we still on for dinner later?’

  At Holly’s insistence, they’d ended up staying in on the night of her thirtieth birthday at the end of June. She just hadn’t felt up to celebrating at the time, and it seemed like a huge waste of resources to pay for a big party when she had a business to start. Rupert, however, had not forgotten that the occasion had as yet gone unmarked, and he was determined to treat her to a fancy night out whether she liked it or not.

  ‘We better not be going anywhere too expensive,’ she chided. Rupert merely raised an eyebrow, then leaned forward and whispered something into Ivy’s ear.

  ‘OH MY GOD!’ she shrieked. ‘That’s the best place ever!’

  ‘Only the best for my girl,’ Rupert grinned, grabbing his bag from the ground and slinging it back over his shoulder. ‘I’m off to tart myself up – see you tonight, gorgeous.’

  The two women watched as he snaked his way through the crowds and disappeared from view, and Holly laughed as Ivy let out a deep sigh.

  ‘What did you ever do to deserve him?’ she breathed.

  Holly made herself smile in response, but all she could think was: I don’t deserve him. I don’t deserve him at all.

  When it reached six, Ivy shooed Holly away from the stall, insisting she go home early and get ready for her big night.

  ‘I can pack everything up,’ she told her. ‘You’ve sold pretty much all your stock, anyway.’

  It was true – Holly had made a killing. She hugged her friend farewell and headed off through the market, but instead of taking a left and heading for the station, she ducked right and made her way along the canal path towards Regent’s Park. The sun was beginning to dip but the water still shone with the heat of the day. The pathway was littered with empty food wrappers, and tourists sat huddled in the few remaining patches of sunlight, their knees pulled up to avoid banging their toes on the riverboats that were moored, bow to stern, most of the way along. Holly breathed in the smell of the wood burners and admired the boxes of brightly coloured flowers that the more discerning boat owners had arranged along the rooftops of their vessels.

  She left the pathway just after passing the famous London Zoo aviary, pulling a face at a peacock that was peering at her through the bars. On the opposite bank, hunting dogs padded up and down the edge of their waterside enclosure. Holly always felt it was an added cruelty to house them right next-door to the warthogs – the smell of those snuffling little creatures must drive the poor things mad with longing.

  Regent’s Park was alive with the hustle and bustle of summer. Holly passed groups of friends playing volleyball and Frisbee, families sharing picnics and just about every breed of dog imaginable nosing their way individually through the longer grass by the boating lake. Phelan would love it here, she thought, before quickly pushing the image of the silly red setter out of her mind. There was an ancient willow tree lazily trailing its branches into the water, and Holly found a shady spot on the grass nearby. For a few minutes, she sat and watched as the sunlight danced through the tangle of leaves and warmed the round bellies of the daisies, which were spread out in a chaotic mess by her feet. Nowadays, all she seemed to do was try her best not to think about Zakynthos, but it was always there, sitting like a smudge of light in the corner of her subconscious – there didn’t seem to be any way of ignoring it. Shaking her head to break the trance, Holly took out her mobile phone.

  The first time she and Dennis had spoken on the phone, the awkwardness between them had been palpable. A lifetime spent serving British tourists had provided her father with very good English, so that wasn’t an issue; it was more that they talked around what they really wanted to say. Holly had persevered, though, determined that she and Dennis would manage to maintain some sort of relationship, even if it was going to take a lot of time and effort.

  She’d made the first call just a few days after arriving back from Zakynthos, and now made sure they spoke to one another at least once a week. Dennis always answered, and increasingly he sounded delighted to hear from her. He was only just back at work now after the heart attack, and complained to Holly at length about how much business he’d missed out on by being ill during the peak summer months. It wasn’t true, of course, as his wife Paloma was now working all hours at the restaurant in Porto Limnionas instead of at the clinic, but it was the Greek way to have a nice old moan – a fact that Holly had picked up on pretty quickly since she started making her weekly calls.

  They discussed his childhood, his work and, most often, Maria. Holly missed her half-sister with a surprising yearning that she felt might break her apart at times, so it was a huge comfort to hear what she’d been up to. According to Dennis, she was just like he had been as a child – cheeky, spoilt and liable to get into trouble on a daily basis. It made Holly love her all the more.

  The only subjects Holly and her father did not discuss were anything to do with how she was conceived, and Aidan. Holly had no idea what Dennis did or didn’t know about the situation, but he seemed to respect the fact that the subject of Aidan was off limits. She suspected that this was due to the man himself warning Dennis not to mention him, but whatever the reason she was relieved. She didn’t want to think about Aidan, let alone talk about him.

  It took a while for Dennis to answer today, and when he did the line soun
ded scratchy.

  ‘I am on my boat!’ he told Holly proudly, and she giggled at the mental image.

  ‘I am happy for you,’ she told him, and they slipped easily into chit-chat about the weather over in Greece and how many fish he’d caught that day.

  ‘I want to cook my fish for you,’ he said after a time. ‘It is the best fish in the whole of Greece.’

  Holly laughed again. There was nothing quite like a Greek man’s humility.

  ‘When are you come?’ he demanded.

  There was an awkward silence and Holly chewed her bottom lip.

  ‘Soon,’ she murmured. ‘I promise very soon.’

  Dennis took a deep breath and Holly thought she could hear the sounds of water lapping against the sides of his boat. ‘I have things to say,’ he began, clearly struggling. ‘I need to say these in person. I do not want to say them on the phone. You understand?’

  Holly did understand, because she felt exactly the same way. She knew that he wanted to tell her about her mother, about what had happened all those years ago, but the idea of it still scared her. She was content at the moment, and the prospect of rocking the proverbial boat did not appeal. She wanted to feel like she knew this man better before he told her things about her mother.

  ‘Holly?’

  She had been nodding into the phone without speaking, and now she hurriedly said yes, first in English and then in Greek.

  ‘I am very busy with work,’ she added. ‘But I will come and see you all. I promise.’

  This seemed to do the trick, and Dennis let the subject drop, launching instead into a long rant about how one of his older sisters was fussing around him like his mother and trying to make him sell his boat.

  ‘It is the most important thing that I love,’ he said, before laughing and adding, ‘after my daughters. And my wife!’

  Holly laughed nervously. Dennis was her father and she’d managed to come to terms with that in her head, but it still felt beyond weird to hear him refer to her as his daughter.

  ‘What you do tonight?’ he asked her now. She realised that it must already be past 8.30 p.m. in Zakynthos, and asked him when he was planning to head for dry land.

  ‘You are as bad as my sister,’ he bellowed with laughter. ‘I am a big boy. I am happier on the water than on the land, like Caretta caretta turtle.’

  Holly didn’t want to tell him that she had a romantic evening planned with Rupert, who they never really talked about either, so instead she muttered something vague about getting an early night. This earned her another playful rebuke from the other end of the line. According to Dennis, a young thing such as her should be out having fun, not sitting on the sofa staring at the TV. ‘It will rot your mind,’ he warned, with more guffaws. ‘Maria is only watching one hour in the morning of television, then she is at the restaurant or going for swimming.’

  It sounded like an idyllic way to spend your time.

  ‘I should go,’ she told Dennis, not bothering to elaborate. One of the nice things about the Greeks, she’d learnt, was that they didn’t require excuses. If she needed to get off the phone, then that was that. Dennis thanked her warmly for calling and made her promise to ring again the following week. For a long time after he’d hung up, she sat still in the same spot, trying to picture him as he pulled up the anchor and turned the boat back towards the shore. Zakynthos was still so alive in her mind that she could conjure up even the smell of the ocean if she really concentrated. She’d fallen in love with the place, and getting over it was proving much more difficult than she’d anticipated.

  Her phone rang again as she made her way back through the park, but this time it was Aliana.

  ‘You won’t bloody believe what that Andy arsehole has done now!’ was how she started the conversation.

  Holly grinned. Aliana and her disastrous love life was just the distraction she needed.

  29

  ‘Did I mention you look gorgeous tonight?’

  ‘Only about twenty times.’ Holly reached across and took Rupert’s hand. He had insisted that they splash out on a taxi to take them to the mystery dinner destination and Holly could see the neon lights of the West End glaring in through the windows.

  ‘Where are we going?’ she pleaded.

  ‘You’ll see,’ was all he would say.

  When they pulled up outside a wall of stained-glass windows a few minutes later, Holly laughed with pleasure. No wonder Ivy had been so impressed – it was her restaurant namesake.

  ‘The Ivy?’ she beamed at him. ‘I’ve never been here before.’

  Rupert took her arm as the restaurant doorman stepped forward to open the cab door for them. ‘I know,’ he grinned. ‘I thought it was about time you did.’ He was looking very handsome this evening, in a navy shirt that made his eyes light up and grey trousers that fitted so snugly across the bottom that they made Holly’s eyes light up too.

  They were ushered straight through a small cloakroom area and across to their table, which seemed to be the only one left empty in the busy dining room. Despite the fact that the restaurant was full to capacity and the waiting staff were buzzing around like bluebottles, The Ivy still managed to afford its guests a real sense of intimacy. The overhead lighting was muted, and a candle in the centre of their table was lit almost as soon as they sat down. Holly spotted Jonathan Ross sitting in a far corner and pointed him out to a grinning Rupert.

  ‘Play it cool, yeah?’ he joked, laughing at the look on her face. She supposed he dined in places like this all the time with work, but Holly had never seen a real celebrity in the flesh before. She was glad she’d worn the dress that Rupert had bought her on their very first date – she had the feeling one of her own creations may not have fitted the setting quite as well.

  ‘Champagne, please!’ Rupert told their waiter, who had already brought them water and bread and taken their coats away to be properly stored.

  ‘This place is amazing.’ Holly sipped her water and smiled at him. ‘Thank you so much for bringing me here.’

  ‘Like I said, you deserve it.’ He crinkled his eyes across the table. He looked so excited and happy – it was infectious.

  They took their time ordering, with Holly eventually agreeing to try the oysters as long as she was allowed a glass of red wine afterwards. Rupert rather predictably chose the steak for his main, while Holly opted for skate wings with a brown shrimp and butter sauce. She’d been craving fish ever since her conversation with Dennis, remembering how amazing the fresh fish had tasted every time she’d ordered it back on the island.

  Rupert told her about a new client he was working with who had started up a women’s lingerie business from scratch. Apparently this woman was Italian and only twenty-five. Holly whistled in appreciation, thinking what Aliana would say if she was here. Something along the lines of, ‘Aren’t you jealous that your boyfriend is spending all his time with a hot young Italian bird?’ But Holly didn’t think that Rupert would ever stoop so low as to cheat. He was a better person than her.

  The conversation moved on to her business, and Holly told him how well she’d done that day on the market.

  ‘You should think about expanding,’ he urged. ‘I’m sure Flavia would meet us for lunch and give you some pointers.’

  ‘Maybe one day,’ she smiled. ‘But I’m quite happy with how everything’s going at the moment. I don’t want to rush into anything.’

  ‘Well, whatever you think is best.’ He clinked his Champagne flute against hers. ‘I think you’re set to be a huge success.’

  The first bottle was gone in no time and Rupert ordered a second, telling Holly to hurry up and drink her large glass of red so they could have another toast. It wasn’t long before her eyelids started to feel heavy and her speech began to slur.

  ‘I think I’m pished,’ she informed Rupert happily. By comparison, he seemed completely fine.

  ‘My little lightweight,’ he joked, stroking her wrist.

  Rupert hadn’t seemed very surpri
sed when Holly arrived back from Zakynthos and told him, through a flood of tears, that she’d discovered her biological father. After the shock news of what had really happened to her mother, it appeared that nothing could shake him – not even a long-lost Greek father turning up close to death in a hospital bed. She hadn’t told him about her weekly phone conversations with Dennis, though, and she wasn’t really sure why. She wondered briefly if her dad talked to anyone about their chats over in Greece – and if so, who.

  When Rupert accepted dessert menus, Holly shook her head. ‘I’m full,’ she wailed. ‘Don’t make me!’

  ‘Don’t be such a wimp.’ Rupert topped up her glass. The bottom of the Champagne bottle was wet and the freezing droplets fell on to her bare knees.

  ‘We’ll have two chocolate fondants,’ he told the waiter, who had magically appeared next to them.

  ‘Very good, sir.’

  ‘I thought we could go and visit my parents next weekend,’ Rupert said now, causing Holly to choke on her bubbly.

  ‘What about the stall?’ she spluttered.

  ‘Ivy will cover for you.’ He pulled a face like an injured puppy. ‘They really want to meet you again, and my brother is coming too – I haven’t seen him for months.’

  ‘I just don’t know if it’s …’ She paused as two chocolate fondants were put down in front of them with a flourish, ‘ … a good idea at the moment.’

  ‘I think you’ll change your mind.’ He sounded very confident. Holly picked up her spoon and put it down again. There was something about his manner tonight, a certain smugness, that was beginning to grate. She told herself very sternly to stop being such a reactionary drunk. They could talk about this visit tomorrow, when she hadn’t consumed two bottles of Champagne and a pint of red wine.

  ‘This is absolutely delicious,’ Rupert informed her, licking the gooey inside of his dessert off the sides of his spoon.

  She really was full, but perhaps this pudding would help her to sober up a bit. Taking hold of her spoon again, Holly struck it deep into the heart of the fondant, only to encounter something hard and unyielding in the middle.