One Thousand Stars and You Read online

  ‘Was it a big wedding?’ she asked, but Max shook his head.

  ‘Nah, we did it at Islington Town Hall, in London, then went to the dogs for our reception.’

  ‘The dogs?’ Even Alice was surprised by that revelation.

  Max chuckled. ‘Faye’s dad was into dog racing, and he was paying. Plus, neither of us were too fussed about having a big fancy ceremony, so …’

  ‘Do you still see her?’ Alice asked, and Max’s smile slipped down at the edges.

  ‘Not since we split,’ he said. ‘She’s still with the guy she cheated on me with, so I guess he was the one for her.’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ Alice knotted her fingers together in her lap.

  ‘Don’t be,’ Max sounded resolute. ‘She did me a favour by leaving. It meant there was one less person I had to feel guilty towards. If she had stayed out of some sort of perceived duty, then our marriage would have been bullshit, if you’ll excuse the term.’

  For a moment, he looked uncomfortable, and Alice nodded to reassure him.

  ‘Nobody wants bullshit in their life,’ she sighed, then stopped as a local seller of ‘short eats’ edged behind them on the train, shouting about his selection of wares over the din from the overhead fans and busy pistons.

  ‘You don’t strike me as someone who puts up with any bullshit,’ Max said, and Alice laughed, because he was so far off the mark.

  ‘What?’ he pushed. ‘What’s so funny?’

  ‘I don’t know why I’m laughing,’ she said, turning her head away. ‘It’s in no way funny.’

  ‘You’ve lost me,’ Max told her, sounding bewildered.

  ‘The thing is—’ Alice took a deep breath, then continued before her nerve got the better of her, ‘I’m the one who is full of bullshit. Just this morning, I lied to my boyfriend for no reason. No reason at all.’

  There was a short silence as Max took this in. Alice expected him to ask for details, or even look at her with disappointment, but he didn’t. He simply sighed deeply, then reached up as if he was going to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear, before thinking better of it.

  ‘Have you ever told me any lies?’ he asked.

  Alice moved her chin slowly up and down.

  ‘Probably.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘But not about anything important,’ she added hastily, anxious that he not misread her meaning. The truth was, she had been more honest with Max than she was with a lot of people, and it felt important to her that he know that. ‘It’s weird, but the truth is that I can’t lie to you – not about the big stuff.’

  Now Max looked as if he didn’t believe her, and proved it a moment later by asking, ‘How do I know you’re not lying right now?’

  ‘You don’t, I suppose,’ Alice said, frustrated by how inept she was at getting her point across. ‘But it’s true.’

  Max considered her, his head on one side. The sunlight filtering in through the trees was casting stark shadows across his face.

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ he said at last. ‘How about I ask you some questions, and you answer each one of them truthfully?’

  Alice felt a cold touch of dread.

  ‘OK,’ she croaked, not wanting to appear a spoilsport. He must have an agenda here – or perhaps after his ex lied to him so catastrophically, he simply preferred people he could trust to tell him the truth?

  Max lifted an eyebrow. ‘Right, we’ll start with an easy one. What do you want most in the whole world?’

  ‘That is not an easy one,’ Alice joked, frowning at him.

  ‘Come on,’ he urged. ‘If I was to sprout wings and magic a fairy wand out of my backside, what would you wish for?’

  ‘More adventures,’ Alice said, her smile matching his. ‘And travel. Sri Lanka has officially given me the bug.’

  ‘See,’ Max gave her a slow smile. ‘Not as hard as you think, is it?’

  ‘I guess not,’ she allowed. ‘But what I want and what I can realistically get are two very different things.’

  Max ignored her last comment, tapping the fingers of his right hand on the hard socket just below his knee. He was in shorts, Mister Tee uncovered and glowing in the sunlight.

  ‘I’m thinking,’ he said, and Alice pulled her mouth into a tight line of amusement.

  ‘Right,’ he said after a beat. ‘Question two: are you happy with your boyfriend?’

  Alice flushed with surprise. She had guessed that he might venture down this path of enquiry, but she had not yet had time to prepare a response that felt both honest and neutral enough not to scare him off from talking to her again.

  ‘I don’t see why,’ she began, shaking her head. ‘I mean, I think it’s silly to …’

  ‘It’s a yes or no question,’ Max pointed out gently. ‘Just pick one.’

  ‘I don’t like this game,’ she said, trying to joke her way out of it, but Max remained steadfast.

  ‘You agreed to the terms,’ he said plainly. ‘And I have lost serious man points by telling you about my ex-wife doing the dirty behind my back. This is just to even the balance, so please humour me. And anyway,’ he added, ‘there’s nobody here except you and me – nobody else can hear you.’

  What he didn’t seem to understand, thought Alice, was that she was here. She would hear the answer that came out of her mouth, and she wasn’t sure she was ready to. There shouldn’t be a pause between his question and her affirmative ‘yes’, but here it was, gaping open in her mind like a cavern.

  ‘I think,’ she began, and Max looked at her with encouragement. Alice stared at his thick, straight brows, his blue eyes above that neat nose and the swell of his lips, and tried to draw out the strength in herself that she could see within Max.

  ‘I think my answer is going to have to be yes.’

  29

  ‘Ayubowan! Daughters, daughters, welcome! And sons, come in. You are welcome, all very welcome.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Steph spoke first, grasping the outstretched hands of the diminutive Sri Lankan man standing on the steps in front of them. There was a small yellow stain on the front of his white shirt and his red-and-gold trousers were turned up at the bottom.

  ‘I am Doctor Perera,’ he announced. ‘This is my home, but you are very welcome. Very welcome.’

  Alice removed her dusty trainers using only her feet, and pushed them neatly to one side. Max and Jamal were just behind them, having taken a separate tuk-tuk from Ella’s train station up to the Sunshine Lodge homestay, and as soon as their enthusiastic host had ushered Alice, Steph and Maureen inside, he spotted Max’s prosthetic leg and beamed.

  ‘Come, come,’ he beckoned, so eager to get Max on his sofa that he didn’t seem to care about his grubby shoes on the white tiles. Everything in the wide open living space seemed to be white, from the walls to the large ceiling fan to the leather settee and matching chairs – even the cushions were white. Alice, who felt hot and dust-covered from the long journey, perched awkwardly on the edge of a hard-backed wooden chair that was pushed up against the wall.

  ‘You were in the army, yes?’ the doctor stated without preamble, and Max nodded in good humour.

  ‘Good guess.’

  Without waiting for an invitation, Doctor Perera knelt on the white rug and began rolling up the bottom of Max’s shorts with both his tiny hands.

  Maureen giggled nervously, while Jamal arched a bemused eyebrow.

  ‘Ah, yes,’ the doctor said, frowning as he examined Mister Tee in more detail, then started muttering away to himself in Sinhalese.

  Steph and Alice exchanged a look.

  The doctor seemed lost in thought, his grey head tilted slightly to one side and a faraway look on his lined face. When it became clear that he wasn’t going to let go of Max, Jamal stepped forwards and waved a friendly hand.

  ‘Can we check in?’ he asked, sounding more entertained than anything else. ‘We’ve been on a train for about a week, or so it feels like.’

  ‘Seven days, yes,’ bellowed th
e doctor, roaring with laughter as he sat back on his haunches.

  What was it with middle-aged Sri Lankan hosts? Alice wondered. Chatura back in Kandy had been the same – always smiling and ready with a laugh. It was endearing.

  ‘A very long way. Did you come from Kandy?’

  ‘Hatton,’ Max told him. ‘We climbed Adam’s Peak this morning.’

  ‘You?’ Doctor Perera exclaimed, and Max nodded.

  ‘Yes, even me.’

  ‘But not me,’ put in Maureen, who in contrast to Alice had already made herself at home by snuggling into the armchair. ‘I hurt my ankle when I fell off—’

  ‘Very good,’ shouted the doctor, interrupting her. ‘Tea, yes?’

  They all said ‘yes, please’, guessing that to refuse would be futile, and as soon as Doctor Perera had vanished from view, Alice let go of the laugh she had been suppressing.

  ‘He’s brilliant!’ she whispered as loudly as she dared. ‘What a character.’

  Max went to roll his shorts back down over his stump, but then thought better of it.

  ‘I doubt he’s finished with me,’ he said, catching Alice’s eye, and she grinned back at him.

  ‘Tea. Very good,’ said Doctor Perera, emerging back through an open doorway a few minutes later. The tray he was carrying was almost as big as he was, and Jamal hurried over to help him.

  ‘Thank you, son.’

  He sat down on the sofa and smiled widely at them.

  ‘Shall I pour the tea, then?’ said Steph, and again Alice had to cover her mouth to keep her snuffle of laughter inside.

  Doctor Perera was looking at Max as if he was Buddha himself, and as they each took a dainty china cup and sipped the black, vanilla-scented tea, he explained in broken English that he was a retired surgeon, and that he had worked on many amputations.

  ‘Sri Lanka has many landmines,’ he said sadly, gesturing beyond the windows with the hand that wasn’t holding a cup. ‘We try to clear all, but many are hidden.’

  He tapped Max’s right knee.

  ‘Landmine?’ he asked, and Max nodded.

  ‘IED,’ he said. ‘Do you know what that is?’

  ‘Yes.’ The doctor nodded forlornly. ‘Very bad.’

  Max shrugged with one shoulder. ‘It’s OK,’ he said. ‘It happened a long time ago now.’

  ‘Shall I take a look for you? Check everything is well after the climb?’ Doctor Perera questioned hopefully, and Alice became immediately aware of Max’s discomfort.

  ‘Maybe later,’ he said. ‘After a shower.’

  Presumably thinking that Max was worried about getting dirt on the white sofa, the doctor started shaking his head and smiling, telling him not to worry and that it was not a problem. Max looked towards Jamal for help, but his friend merely widened his eyes in defeat.

  ‘We can go to our room if …’ Alice began, making to stand up, but the doctor was already feeling his way along Max’s thigh to where the top of the liner sat taut against his skin. There was a fine line between being charmingly eccentric and a pain in the behind, and right now, thought Alice, Doctor Perera was walking right along it.

  ‘Fine.’ Max gave in. ‘Jamal, can you grab my crutches, mate?’

  Alice watched as Max quickly removed his prosthesis, not missing how intrigued Steph and Maureen were by the whole thing. Of course, neither of them had been there when Max had removed Mister Tee halfway up Adam’s Peak, so it made sense.

  Once the leg was off, the doctor knelt again on his pristine rug and ran his finger across Max’s smile-shaped scar.

  ‘Very good, very good,’ he said, his ears lifting with his grin. He then ran an exploratory hand around the stump and patted it on each side, before letting it rest in his open hand. It was at that moment, when the base of Max’s residual limb came into contact with Doctor Perera’s palm, that Max flinched. It wasn’t a jerk or even a wince, but it was something – and Alice was not the only person who had noticed it.

  ‘Everything all right there, mate?’ said Jamal, kneeling next to Doctor Perera before Max had time to react.

  ‘Fine.’ Max swung his stump to one side, but Jamal was too quick for him, reaching out and squeezing the base with his fingers.

  There it was again, that flicker of discomfort. This time on Max’s face as well as in the movement of his body. Jamal, whose own expression had now lost any trace of humour, lifted the limb to get a better look.

  ‘Shit,’ he said, letting go before turning to Max. ‘How long has it been hurting?’

  ‘It’s not.’

  Alice shifted on her chair. She could tell that Max wasn’t being honest.

  The doctor, apparently realising that a disagreement of sorts was brewing in his living room, scuttled off in the direction of the kitchen, muttering something about biscuits.

  ‘Please don’t do this,’ Jamal said with a sigh, sitting back on his heels as Max collected his crutches.

  ‘I’m not in any pain.’

  ‘Really?’ Jamal looked incredulous. ‘Really, mate?’

  ‘Look, it’s nothing, just a bit of cramp,’ Max said now, his face beginning to colour. Alice wished she could get up and give the two of them some privacy, but with no room yet to go to, they were stuck.

  ‘I wish I could believe you,’ Jamal sighed. ‘But we’ve been here before, remember?’

  ‘Leave it out, all right?’ Max was starting to get fed up now, and the stricken look on his face was enough to convince Alice to get up from her chair and hurry across the rug to the sofa, where she sat down next to Max and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

  ‘Don’t worry,’ she told him, not knowing what else she could really say, but wanting him to know that she was there, that she was on his side.

  ‘There is plenty he should be worried about,’ Jamal said, turning to Alice. ‘If he’s been keeping his pain from me, then it is very much not all right.’

  ‘I just think we should all take a breath here,’ Maureen suggested. ‘Let’s not start accusing or snapping at anyone.’

  ‘How long?’ Jamal asked again, ignoring her, and Alice saw Maureen narrow her eyes.

  ‘Just drop it, OK?’ Max said shortly, his obvious anger making Alice go cold. Jamal moved out of his way as he used his crutches to stand up.

  ‘Doctor Perera,’ Max said loudly, and the door to the kitchen opened a crack. ‘Can we see our rooms, please?’

  ‘Yes, yes – sorry. I am coming.’ The doctor was beaming his head off again, determinedly oblivious to the frosty atmosphere that had settled in the room.

  He jangled a set of keys in his hand.

  ‘Daughters,’ he said, beckoning for Alice, Steph and Maureen to follow him back out of the front door.

  Alice hesitated. Max was standing with his back to her, while Jamal was shaking his head. There was nothing more she could do here – they didn’t need her.

  ‘Will we see you for dinner in a few hours?’ she asked Jamal, and he nodded, barely registering her words.

  Whatever it was that Max had been hiding, it must be serious to have upset the affable Jamal to this degree. The thought of him being in pain made Alice’s stomach twist into knots of misery. She knew then that if she could, she would take away his pain – every last atom of it.

  30

  Max

  If I should die,

  I will not be gone,

  My body may be absent,

  But my soul will live on …

  Max sat on the low stool in the shower, the warm running water flattening his hair and filling up his eyes. He blinked rapidly to clear them, raising a hand to wipe the droplets from his nose. His shower gel’s frothy lather had collected in the dark patch of hair on his stomach, and below that his legs stretched out above the tiles, one whole and strong and thick with muscle, the other misshapen and swollen and reduced. In this moment, and for the first time in a very long while, Max hated his physical impairment with a burning rage that made him want to yell with the unfairness of it al
l.

  Jamal was pissed off with him, and Max could appreciate why. His friend understood better than anyone how devastating it would be for Max if he ended up back in hospital, and really, Max thought with a sigh, it wasn’t rocket science, was it? Listen to your body, watch out for irregularities and don’t, under any circumstances whatsoever, ignore pain of any kind. Max had broken the rules, and now he was paying the price.

  As well as the tingling pain in the end of his residual limb, there was also a soft area of what felt like swollen tissue, and a small red patch that looked like a splatter of ink. Max did not want to think the worst, that the awful bleeding into the skin that he’d had years ago had returned, along with what could very easily be an ulceration. The latter was by far the more serious problem of the two, and Max hoped that instead, the swelling was merely a temporary irritation that would return to normal with a few days’ rest.

  He could already hear his mother’s voice in his ear, her reactions so predictable.

  ‘I said you should never have gone on that holiday … Why did you have to climb a mountain? … My poor baby!’

  Max knew that if he did end up back in hospital, then no matter what he said and how much he pleaded, his mum would be there, from minute one until he was discharged, and then she would insist on taking time off work to become his nurse again. It was bad enough that he was still living at home – albeit in the specially adapted granny annexe at the end of his parents’ garden – but now, Max accepted with reluctance, he would be causing the family even more worry and trouble. If the pain was what he feared, then it could mean further surgery on his stump and Mister Tee might no longer fit. And that wasn’t even the worst-case scenario.

  It had taken him so many years and so many reassurances – to his mum, in particular – to get to the point where his parents didn’t fret about him almost constantly. Anything serious enough to land him back in hospital would undo all that progress, and he would have to start right at the beginning again. His mother was still, after eight years, constantly researching new surgeries that he could have – private procedures that cost enough to warrant remortgaging their house. It was utterly ridiculous and Max was not in the slightest bit interested in any of them, but what rankled the most was his mum’s sole reason behind it – she wanted him to be ‘back to normal again’. As far as he was concerned, he was more himself now than he had been before his injury – and wasn’t that just as good as normal? And what did ‘normal’ mean, anyway? For his mum, it meant whole again, and that was never going to happen.